The short answer is: "it depends".
But the first question that is not entirely clear from the question is a definition of similarity between two matrices. Technically there is a term Matrix similarity, but there is certainly nothing common between it and what you are asking.
To justify the inquiry about the similarity definition, consider three matrices:
$$
A_1=\left[\begin{array}{ccc}
1 &0 &0 \\
1 &1 & 0 \\
1 & 1 & 1
\end{array}\right], \quad
A_2=\left[\begin{array}{ccc}
1 &1 &1 \\
0 &1 & 1 \\
0 & 0 & 1
\end{array}\right],\quad
A_3=\left[\begin{array}{ccc}
1 &0 &0 \\
0 &1 & 0 \\
0 & 0 & 1
\end{array}\right]
$$
Here, $A_1 = A_2^T$. However, according to element-wise similarity definition you proposed, the difference between them will be huge: 2/3. Moreover, the identity matrix $A_3=I_3$ has a smaller difference of just 1/3.
Other examples demonstrating more complicated similarities/differences between two matrices can be shown.
Nevertheless, let's assume that we are just interested performing strict element-to-element in two matrices. A natural metric would be the one that nicoguaro suggested:
$
\left|\left| A_1-A_2 \right|\right|_{1,2,F,\ldots}
$
Here, $1,2,F,\ldots$ in the subscript correspond to different matrix norms (1-norm, 2-norm, Frobenius norm, etc.) Unfortunately, the calculation of the norm requires at least browsing through all the elements of the matrix $A_1-A_2$. And it will be not easy to come up with the speed-up of that calculation without knowing where your matrix comes from.
There are various algorithms that will be able to estimate your norm, provided some information:
- A Matrix-Free, Transpose-Free Norm Estimator, First IMA International Conference on Numerical Linear Algebra and Optimisation, Birmingham, UK, 13-15 September 2007 - requires a matrix-vector product.
- A. Heldring, E. Ubeda, J. M. Rius, "Stochastic Estimation of the Frobenius Norm in the ACA Convergence Criterion," IEEE Antennas Propagat., vol. 63, no. 3, pp. 1155-1158, Mar. 2015. - using adaptive cross approximation, which is efficient if your matrix is low-rank to begin with.
But I think all that is an overkill. At this moment, there is no justification why a naïve algorithm for calculating a norm of a matrix $A_1-A_2$ is not sufficient. Since, even if the size of the matrix is large, you are storing them in the memory anyway; thus, you certainly can afford to compute at least the Frobenius norm.